DYLAN BOLINNexus-6 Replicant (Tyrell Corp.)
Type: Pleasure Model 2.1
Serial #: WKLH-96.5 D.B.
Lifespan: Unknown
Height: 6'3" 190.5 cm
Weight 210 95.25 kg
Eyes: Blue (Chew Designs Inc.)
Hair: Brown (Protein Synthetic)
Status: At Large!
"Dylan" escaped from his Off-World colony in April of 2005 where he was serving as a Pleasure Model at Shady Rest Retirement Community. He is believed to be seeking asylum among other renegade replicants: Voice Model "Dave," and News Model "Carole," on a pirated radio frequency. He is also suspected of disguising himself as a Comedian Model in a replicant enclave called the Midnight Show. Aliases include: "Tiger," "Lover" and "Sweetbottom." If found, approach with extreme caution and a Butterscotch Pudding Cup.
dylanbolin.com
A Review of the McRib - Dylan Bolin
In the pantheon of great chefs, the usual suspects of Thierry Blouet, James Beard and Julia Child naturally come to mind. Well, step aside, Ferran Adria, and make room for Jacob Farkas and his restaurant, McDonald’s on 124th St.
Jacob Farkas has, once again, turned haute cuisine on its ear with the remarkable McRib. When asked why he made it available for a limited time only, Jacob replied, “I dunno.” Clearly he is a master of Nature’s seasonal bounty.
The first thing you notice upon unwrapping the McRib is the aroma. The pepper impishly mounts a column of tangy steam, and enters your nose like a midnight visitor.
The barbecue sauce is harvested from the pituitary gland of the Chilean Chupacabra. Imagine drinking a sunset like a juice box. Just thinking about it now, my salivary glands are at DEFCON 1, and scrambling spit. The pickles and onions comingle in a way that, in this reviewer’s opinion, society is not ready for.
The texture is tantalizingly submissive. It’s as if every mouthful rolls over and bears its soft, white underbelly to the whims of your teeth and tongue.
And then, you swallow like it’s your first time.
The pressed pork says “Whee, whee, whee” all the way down where your stomach catches it like a kitten from a tree.
In closing, to paraphrase Henry David Thoreau: “I ate the McRib to see if I could not learn what it had to teach and not, when I came to die, learn that I had not lived."
Join me next week when I review Dunkin Donuts Pancake Bites.
originally posted on wisn.com
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